Soap
In terms of horrible urban legends that are a little too close-to-home, the old “wash your mouth out with soap” saying is one that I know only too well. Not because I’ve done it, of course, but because a friend of mine – a moron, too – has. I was there at the time and I suppose you could blame me. If I hadn’t have said what I said…
“You can’t wash your mouth out with soap,” I told my friend Dan. It was a mistake.
As well as working for some 24 hour fuel oil suppliers and spending much of his working life in a porta-cabin…
The best way I can describe it is suds poisoning…the same symptoms you might get if you ate raw chicken…
my friend Dan is also one of those people who will do anything. Thing is, before the soap incident I had drawn a line somewhere and assumed that even Dan had a limit…which was also a mistake, as I should have known that no line can ever be drawn where Dan is concerned.
So that was when he did it. He just ran up to my bathroom and grabbed the soap of the sink and shoved it in his mouth.
Within a few seconds the first sign of frothing appeared. It was a good job nobody else was in the house or they’d have seriously questioned how close Dan had recently been to a rabid dog (he’d be nowhere near as it happens, thanks to his hating dogs, rabid or otherwise).
Soon he started to choke and splutter. The next time he opened his mouth it was absolutely FULL WITH SUDS AND IT WAS DISGUSTING. Then he burped and out came, you guessed it, bubbles.
So Dan did it all right. He clearly wasn’t prepared for what happened next, though. If he had of know what was coming then he’d have never attempted it…
The best way I can describe it is suds poisoning…the same symptoms you might get if you ate raw chicken.
The vomiting lasted for about 48 hours if I remember correctly. In the end he finally, sensibly, took himself to the doctor’s where he was promptly told he had to be “one of the most stupid men alive ever.”
Funny and horrendous, that’s Dan all over.
I suggest you don’t try this at home. Not unless you want to be blowing bubbles and having them come out of ever orifice – and I do mean EVERY – for the foreseeable future…
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